I received this question from a reader: I am a father of three girls. I feel the need to take part in fighting against all the ‘progress’ being made to undermine Christian and otherwise traditional values, but I am overwhelmed in the face of the enormity of it. Any suggestions for how I can help?
First of all, you are not alone! There are so many men out there trying to be good fathers and lead the family. Fathers have such a unique and special role to play in society and this starts in the home. Sadly, the important role of fatherhood is often undermined. The meaning of fatherhood has been severely blurred. We are told that a single parent is just as good as two parents. This is even encouraged. We are fed the lie that two mommies or two daddies are just as good as a mother and a father.
It’s just not true. The truth is that a mother and father are both vitally important in a child’s life. God designed men and women to be unique and, while the lines of male and female can certainly cross at times, we have all but stopped honoring our God-given traits and abilities in the name of “progress.”
Let’s talk about fatherhood.
My reader is specifically asking his question in regard to his role as a father to girls. A father’s influence in his daughter’s life shapes so much from her confidence to her self-esteem, self-image, her opinions of men, and how she expects to be treated by men in the future. Whether a father is a positive or negative influence, his actions and leadership (or lack there-of) can help to determine a girl’s ability to trust, to differentiate between good relationships or bad relationships, to practice self-control, to have healthy, successful relationships, and to perhaps one day enter into a solid, committed marriage.
Men hold irreplaceable roles in the traditional family. A good father protects, defends, shelters, teaches, strengthens, and leads by example. The importance of fathers as spiritual and physical leaders, protectors, and defenders is far understated. Society wants to all but destroy the traditional family unit and fatherlessness has almost become an acceptable norm. This does tremendous harm to the family and causes irreparable damage to children.
The Ruth Institute has some great resources, articles, and statistics regarding fatherhood at the Fatherhood Resource Center HERE.
Mothers are meant to be the heart of the home whereas fathers are the head of the family. They complement each other. That’s how God intended it to be. Sadly, the world has all but destroyed this traditional view of marriage in the name of “progress.”
Where to start?
To sum it up briefly, fighting against this so-called progress begins in the home. It starts with good leadership and with the traditional family unit. Men and women need to step up and be who they were created to be.
What’s a father to do?
Here are some suggestions for the dads out there striving to fight against this “progress.”
God first.
Everyone struggles spiritually from time to time, but a father should strive to have as solid of a foundation of faith as possible. The first role of a good father is that of a spiritual leader. If there is no spiritual foundation in a child’s life, how else will they grow to respect good versus evil, respect right and wrong, develop a well-formed conscience, etc.?
Your spouse comes next.
Second to God in a man’s life should come his wife. Together they should strive to commit to a loving, holy marriage. As man and wife, they should be putting God and His commandments at the center of everything, embracing the dignity of human life, and passing that respect onto their children. When this kind of love is nurtured and allowed to blossom, children will see this and learn to have the same expectations for their own future spouses.
A father is a teacher.
Next, the father is a teacher. He teaches by his example. Good fathers should value the uniquely beautiful differences between the two sexes – male and female. He should teach proper respect for others – respect for mind, body, and spirit. A good, holy man encourages modesty of dress, action, and thought.
On a side note, remember that modesty does not just apply to girls! Boys also need to learn to practice modesty, not only in their manner of dress, but in how they present themselves and in how they think of others.
A dad teaches the value of work and the value of a spouse. He is sure that his children know and see that he values both. Even when the kids are rude and disrespectful (as they can be at times), a father will defend his wife. This teaches children about the profound love and respect between husband and wife. Children watch, listen, and learn. If a father sets a bad example by taking advantage of people (such as in using others for sexual gratification as in pornography to name one example), that will absolutely negatively affect children. They will naturally come to expect to be used by others or learn to use others. If a father abuses, his children are more likely to abuse or to be abused. Children learn what to expect out of life based on the expectations that are built through their family unit.
For a girl, having a good father gives her someone to look to for advice on topics such as boys, dating, marriage, personal boundaries, safety concerns, etc. Your strong, dependable leadership can help prepare her for marriage (if that is her calling in life) to another strong, dependable and Godly man. Dads, model for your daughter what she should look for in a mate.
Are you making sure that your children have a solid faith foundation? From a spiritual standpoint, a father helps to demonstrate to his children the existence and love of God. Your love may be imperfect, but it is an introduction of sorts to the unconditional love that God has for His children. Your example shows a child that he or she can turn to God even in the most difficult circumstances (for example, in the event of a trauma). Why would a child grow to believe in an all-powerful God if it has not been demonstrated over the course of his or her life? How can a child learn to trust in an all-loving God if the example they have on earth is less than par?
In this PC culture, be prepared to answer questions from your children regarding issues (concerning the LGBTQ movement, abortion, contraception, premarital sex, and pornography just to name a few). Too many people are desensitized to these ideals that have been presented as good. As a leader and teacher, a father needs to prepare his children to be able to defend their morals and values even to family and friends when necessary.
A father defends.
A good father shows unwavering devotion to his family and takes appropriate action in order to defend them. He defends physically, emotionally, and spiritually. No matter the cost, he shelters his family to the best of his ability.
A father strengthens.
Fathers help to strengthen their children’s judgment so that one day they can make good decisions about situations and people. Consider for a moment how a father’s strength can impact both boys and girls but especially a girl when it comes to good and bad relationships.
A father passes on wisdom.
A good father striving to lead his family wants to pass on wisdom. He desires to help his children build Godly character. This is especially true with his sons – future men. Dads show their children how to respect others. He also shows them to expect respect. He demonstrates this wisdom when encouraging his children to choose the right companions to spend their time with.
Does a good, solid family mean that children will never suffer from outside abuse, ridicule, trauma, and/or negative influences? Of course not. Does it mean that your own child will never falter or hurt someone else? Unfortunately, no. However, if a culture has stronger families (led by stronger fathers) over time a more peaceful culture of more disciplined, wiser individuals naturally develops. People develop better formed consciences. There is less selfishness and more self-discipline. People are less likely to willfully hurt one another. Life is more likely to be more valued. We live in a fast-food, throwaway culture. When we want something, we take it with no regard for how it is affecting others.
If the worst-case scenario ever does happen and your child becomes a victim of someone else’s selfish desires (such as sexual abuse), then as a Godly leader you will be better equipped to handle it. You will be better able to walk through the dark valley of trauma with your child. Your wisdom and strength will help them to rise above it.
Please know that if the unthinkable ever does happen, it is not your fault. Sadly, horrible things sometimes do happen, things that we have no control over. Bad things can happen no matter how prepared we are and no matter how much we try to protect and defend our families. This is the sad reality of this fallen world.
Some final thoughts…
If your children are school age, consider homeschooling.
While this suggestion might not be a good fit for everyone (nor may it be feasible), families who are able should consider homeschooling their children. When parents are in control of what is filtering into the home and into a child’s education, it can positively affect their lives. A good education prepares your children to be able to go out into the real world. It can prepare them to live in the world but also prepare them to not be a part of it.
I have heard many homeschoolers say that if it weren’t for the framework provided by their parents in the home, they wouldn’t have been prepared for the realities of college. Most colleges are very liberal, encouraging so-called “progress.” Homeschooling allows families to consistently teach their children about fighting against this PC, progressive culture while preparing them to face the world in an appropriate, gradual way. It strengthens children to be able to make good, informed decisions. It prepares them for the battles they will undoubtedly face in college and in “the real world” as they enter the workforce.
Make sure your daughters can defend themselves to the best of their ability.
Consider investing in some self-defense classes for them. Be sure to help train their minds to always be aware of their surroundings. Help them to prepare responses to certain situations especially where men are involved.
Shelter your children.
This is not the same thing as isolating your children. People often confuse the two. Parents are supposed to shelter their children, gradually and appropriately preparing them to face the realities of this fallen world. Watch out for social media, television, and know who and what influences your children are being exposed to. Be aware of psychological warfare, the kind that is telling us and our children that we are “supposed” to think a certain way. If we don’t, we are ostracized and seen as weird, crazy, and old-fashioned.
We’re supposed to “get with the times,” right?
In closing…
Fathers, pray for your daughters.
Validate them.
Be there for them.
Listen to them.
Remind them that they are loved.
Show your daughers that they are precious and valuable.
Defend them.
Protect them.
Teach your daughters to be strong but also teach them that they can rely on you.
All of this is helping to fight against the “progress” coming about because of this increasingly liberal society that continues to drift away from God and all that is good, holy, and decent. Fathers, be who you were created to be and focus on leading the family.
Time and time again, we have seen the tragedy that unfolds when a society is plagued with a lack of the traditional family unit. Society has particularly suffered due to a lack of good, holy, solidly grounded male figures particularly in the home. Fathers, never underestimate your value. You are in the thick of it and fighting the good fight. You are needed!
