Routines and patterns can be healthy and healing. Many survivors recovering from sexual abuse find them helpful. Developing routines are predictable and can help you feel more balanced and productive.
Healing is a different journey for each survivor but, let’s face it, it can be a rough and precarious road to travel. We all need some stability in our lives, and this is especially true for someone who has undergone a trauma. The trauma from sexual abuse (and other traumas as well) changes the brain. As a result, survivors can become easily overwhelmed by the lack of stability and control. This can lead to someone engaging in harmful and destructive behaviors. Creating good, healthy routines can help us to stay on track and steer clear of the things that are not good for us.
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While not a fix-all, developing routines and patterns can help provide some much-needed stability especially in times of chaos. Creating structure through routines can also help us to make better, healthier choices, and can help us to feel confident knowing what we can expect. By developing and sticking to certain routines, you are creating small, achievable goals for yourself. When you are able to achieve those goals, you will feel accomplished.
This week I want to motivate you to develop some routines and daily rituals.
Routines are going to look different for everyone. Some people prefer to have detailed routines planned out to get themselves through the day. Other people have different routines spread out throughout their day, allowing for a bit more flexibility. For example, you might develop a morning routine and a bedtime routine. Routines can even vary by day. You can plan the night before or each morning. Do whatever work best for you!
A word of warning: routines can sometimes be a double-edged sword. When the control of one’s routine is suddenly lost (as can sometimes happen when the unexpected happens), it can increase anxiety. This is especially true for someone who is already struggling with anxiety issues (such as an anxiety disorder). Finding a healthy balance between following routines and also allowing for flexibility is important. On a side note, if you are someone who is struggling with severe anxiety, there is no shame in seeking the help of a good, reputable counselor or other mental health professional. You just might need that extra help in order to become better equipped to handle your anxiety.
Try taking time this week to plan some routines. Start by asking yourself what part of your day would be easiest to plan. From there you can figure out the parts of your day that tend to cause you the most stress. Are there any routines you can implement to help make those times less stressful? If you could plan an ideal day (including your necessary responsibilities such as work or school), what would it look like?
Remember that routines don’t have to be anything fancy. Simply adding in breathing exercises, a moment of prayer, or a quick walk can give you the boost you need to get through stressful moments.
Mornings are a great time to plan routines because your morning helps set the tone for the entire day. Be sure to include some self-care in there! For example, you might work exercise, staying hydrated, and eating a good healthy breakfast into your morning routine.
Your routines can be as detailed or as simple as you want. Again, do what works best for you! Don’t fall into the trap of developing really detailed routines that just aren’t feasible for your lifestyle and then falling to pieces because you aren’t able to follow them. Set realistic expectations. You can always re-evaluate your routines and develop new ones whenever necessary.
Grab a calendar, notebook, sticky note (or whatever method you prefer) to help you stay focused and organized. Start developing those routines!
Do you have a question about victimization and/or healing? Email me at AskASurvivor@ruthinstitute.org. Your name and personal information will never be used in my public responses.
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