I recently turned the big 4-0, and I have to admit, it hit me harder than I expected. Turning 40 is already a milestone that can bring about mixed emotions. This birthday also felt like a punch to the gut because it stirred up some issues tied to my past abuse. It’s been a time of reflection—looking back on the trauma I’ve endured, the healing I’ve fought so hard for, and the ways God has carried me through moments I never thought I would survive.
As I look to the future, I realize that even now I am still learning to see my pain through the lens of God’s purpose, trusting that even the darkest parts of my story can bring light to others and deepen my own faith. This new decade is pushing me to embrace both the wisdom gained from my experiences and the unknowns that lie ahead.
The Healing Power of Suffering: A Lesson from Fr. Dan Rehill
As a survivor of clerical abuse and other traumas, I have many times asked God, “Why?” The question doesn’t come as often now, but at times I still wonder what my life would have looked like without the burden of trauma. Recently, though, I came across an interview with Fr. Dan Rehill, an exorcist. He is also a survivor of clerical abuse. His story touched me deeply, and the timing was nothing sort of providential. Fr. Rehill shared that years ago in a moment of prayer, he realized that he would go through all his suffering again for the sake of the gifts he has received and the people he’s been able to help. Through his suffering, God molded him. Now he brings hope to others in their battles.
As I listened to Fr. Rehill’s story, I realized that I, too, wouldn’t take my own pain back even if I could. God has done too much good with it. I have seen how he’s worked through my life to help others, and every difficult situation has been an opportunity for me to refine myself—to grow in virtue, faith, and to grow closer to God.
God’s Mysterious Ways: Finding Purpose in Pain
Fr. Rehill’s story reminded me of the importance of gratitude, even during the hardest parts of life. After his own experience with abuse, he drifted away from the Church. He then followed a path that led him far from God. When he returned years later, he found incredible healing in the sacrament of Confession. Much to his surprise, he eventually felt called to the priesthood. Now as an exorcist, he faces evil directly. Yet, he is armed with a unique compassion and understanding for those who have suffered. He wouldn’t have the same drive to help if he hadn’t first felt the depth of suffering himself. His own suffering led him to experience a tremendous depth of gratitude. After all, he had experienced God’s love, grace, and mercy in a profound way.
God’s ways are mysterious but so amazing. He is always working, and he always wants to bring beauty and hope from the ashes. Too often, we’re so focused on what we want and on our desire for a smooth, pain-free life. As a result, we overlook how God is using our experiences, even the painful ones. Our lives become filled with purpose if we allow God to guide us.
Fr. Rehill’s story is a powerful reminder of that. I pray that those of us who have been hurt find strength in knowing that God is with them and working within them. He has a way of transforming pain into healing, suffering into grace, and despair into a profound hope that can lead others back to Him. We all ask “why?” at times. But how often are we asking, “What can you do with this?” How often are we looking back and worrying about the future? How often do we thank God for our pain and for the healing He has provided?
This week, I urge you to reflect on whatever suffering you’re going through. Pray that God opens your eyes to its greater purpose.
