The Holidays can be Hard
The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of endless cheer, parties, and celebration. It can absolutely be a time of great joy for many people. However, for some, this time of year also brings loneliness, loss, and grief. Trying to keep up with the expectation of being “merry and bright” can leave us physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted.
The pressure to meet society’s image of holiday perfection can make sadness feel even heavier. Family gatherings, decorations, and festive music may unintentionally highlight what has been lost, or remind us of trauma, loneliness, or difficult memories.
It’s Okay not to Join the Frenzy
I know how tough the holidays can be. The Christmases after my brother died felt nearly impossible to bear. The Christmases around the time I was preparing to face my rapist seemed ominous somehow. I was numb, grieving, and all the lights, festivities, etc. just made me feel bitter because I just couldn’t feel so happy. Beautiful memories of past Christmases inundated me—of my brother, of family, of complete innocence and carefree… when life was simpler, happier, gentler. I wanted to go back in time, but the reality I was stuck in felt like a living hell. It was far more difficult to focus on the real “reason for the season” when there was such chaos surrounding me.
Was their joy? Yes. It came in quiet moments especially with family. And there was something joy in knowing what the true meaning of the season was, but focusing was hard (as it so often is in when you’re dealing with trauma) and I was in survival mode. I was focused on surviving, putting one foot in front of the other, protecting myself, putting up walls, not wanting to get even more hurt… it’s a difficult place to be in.
My parents still have the same nativity scene they’ve had since I was little, and I remember kneeling before the tiny figure of baby Jesus to welcome the new year. My seemingly endless tears were all I could offer Jesus. Maybe your tears are the result of the absence of loved ones, a broken family, illness, uncertainties, or painful memories of past holidays. Whatever the reason for your sadness, you’re not alone.
It’s Okay if You’re Struggling
Some things hurt more around the holidays, and it breaks your heart. If you are struggling, know this: it’s okay!
• It’s okay if you’re not feeling festive.
• It’s okay if you don’t have the energy to decorate or attend every gathering.
• It’s okay to step back from the commercialism and chaos that dominate the season.
Instead, you can focus on the true meaning of the season. Rather than getting caught up in the hustle and bustle, you can slow down, reflect, pray, and care for your own heart and the hearts of those around you. You do not need to meet anyone else’s expectations in order to honor the season.
Grief Looks Different for Everyone
Grief has no set timetable or “right” way to experience it. What comforts one person may not work for another, and that is perfectly normal.
It is normal if you do not feel “happy-go-lucky” or if your life doesn’t resemble a cheesy Hallmark Christmas movie. Society often sets impossible expectations during the holidays, but trying to meet them is unnecessary.
Grief often arrives unexpectedly. It could be triggered by a song, a smell, a familiar place, or even a small memory. With grief can come waves of sorrow even when you thought you were doing well. Whether your grief comes from the loss of a loved one, a broken family, loneliness, or trauma such as abuse, it is real, valid, and deeply human. When you love deeply, you grieve deeply. When much is taken from you, you grieve what was lost, but you also grieve what could have been.
You are not Alone
Even in the midst of grief, you are not alone. God, who entered the world in humility and love, meets us in our sorrow. He does not demand perfection. Even in our brokenness, He meets us where we are.
Take things one day at a time. Do what you can, rest when you need to, and entrust the rest to God. He carries what we cannot bear alone and walks with us through our deepest sorrow.
Finding Hope and Peace in the Season
Even in the midst of grief, there can be moments of peace and reflection. Here are just a few simple ways to honor your sorrow while connecting to the season’s true meaning:
• Light a candle in memory of someone you miss.
• Spend quiet time in prayer and/or journaling.
• Offer small acts of kindness to someone else.
• Focus on the spiritual meaning of Christmas rather than the commercial aspects.
• Slow down. Allow yourself to rest.
These small acts do not erase grief, but they can provide comfort and allow you to move gently toward hope.
Closing Thoughts
The holiday season does not have to be “merry and bright” for everyone, and that is okay. Grief, loss, and sorrow are real, valid, and deeply human. Take time to care for yourself, to reflect, and to seek comfort in God’s presence.
When life feels heavy, remember: even in grief, love remains. Even in loss, hope remains. Even in sorrow, God’s light can shine through.
And if you’re coming before the manger feeling like your hands are empty and you have nothing to give our Savior, remember that all Jesus wants for Christmas… is you!
