The holidays are upon us again, bringing a flood of emotions. While this season is often filled with joy and celebration, for many of us it also comes with heartache and grief. Whether we are mourning the loss of a loved one or grieving a different kind of loss—such as a broken relationship, a significant life change, or an unfulfilled goal—the season can feel heavy. I want to remind you that it’s okay to feel the weight of grief even as we recognize the blessings in our lives.
Grief doesn’t come with a rulebook or a time limit. What works for one person may not work for another, and that’s perfectly okay. For example, my oldest brother Matt passed away 23 years ago. While my family has learned to cope, we still feel his absence deeply, especially around the holidays. When we gather as a family, his absence is painfully noticeable. The holidays changed forever after Matt died, and they have continued to evolve with each subsequent loss or life change. The hole left by grief feels especially raw during times when we traditionally come together with loved ones. We can’t help but notice those empty places at the table.
It’s important to acknowledge that things will never be quite the same. That is far healthier than pretending everything is fine. Ask God for the grace to accept that some days will be harder than others. Don’t feel pressured to put on a forced smile or say, “I’m fine,” if you’re actually not. It’s okay to not be okay. Denying the pain doesn’t make it go away. Rather, denial only delays the healing process.
Sharing grief with others can help ease the burden. Grief can feel isolating, but it’s essential to remember that we don’t have to suffer alone. When I feel myself withdrawing, I remind myself that I’m not the only one missing my loved ones or grappling with life’s changes. Sharing stories, laughing over happy memories, and shedding a few tears together can be healing. Honoring a loved one’s memory by remembering the joy they brought and the ways they shaped our lives can bring comfort (although sometimes bittersweet).
It’s also helpful to resist the pressure to conform to societal expectations of “merry and bright.” Just because the stores or Hallmark movies say it’s the happiest time of year doesn’t mean you’ll feel that way. That’s okay.
There are meaningful ways to keep loved ones close in spirit during the holidays. You could pray for them, have a Mass offered in their honor, say a family Rosary, or light a candle at church. If it brings you peace, set a place for them at the holiday table or create a small memorial with photos and mementos.
Simplifying your plans can also ease the burden. You don’t have to host the big party or attend every event. Give yourself grace to adjust or step back. Sometimes creating new traditions or modifying old ones makes the season a little easier to bear.
Don’t forget to care for yourself. Take time for activities that bring peace, whether it’s a walk, a favorite hobby, or simply resting. It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Decline invitations if you’re truly not up for them, and don’t feel guilty about prioritizing rest and nourishing your body. Avoid turning to alcohol or comfort foods as a way to cope; they might offer temporary relief, but they don’t address the pain and can even add to it over time.
Be mindful of people who may not be supportive. Grief makes us vulnerable, and some people—though well-meaning—might say hurtful things like, “Just be thankful for what you have,” or “Aren’t you over it yet?” Others may push you toward unhealthy coping mechanisms. It’s okay to distance yourself from negative influences, even temporarily, and ask God for the strength to do so.
Focusing on gratitude, even in small ways, can help bring comfort. Reflecting on the gift of time spent with loved ones and the memories they left behind can bring joy. I try to jot down a few things I’m grateful for each day or at least make a mental note. This simple habit helps me keep a balanced perspective, especially during challenging times.
No matter how much time has passed, we will always carry some grief in our hearts. While we may learn to live with a new reality, the journey takes time, and life is never quite the same. For me, the holidays are often bittersweet. I find solace in knowing that I am not alone in my grief. Most importantly, I find hope in a relationship with Our Lord. He is our hope.
If you are grieving this holiday season, know that you are not alone. I am praying that Our Lord holds you close. Be assured that He offers you comfort, peace, and healing.
