I Wish Protecting God’s Children Rules Had Existed When I Was a Child

Safeguarding policies may feel inconvenient to some adults. The training can feel long, and the paperwork can feel tedious. The background checks, restrictions, and rules about interactions with children can sometimes feel frustrating. It might feel like too much. For survivors of abuse, the absence of those protections can become a lifetime of pain.

I Understand Why People Complain About Child Protection Rules

I understand why people complain about programs such as Protecting God’s Children (a specialized training curriculum widely used by Catholic dioceses and other religious organizations that is designed to educate adults on preventing, recognizing, and reporting child sexual abuse and maltreatment). The training and requirements can feel like a lot. When you are a good person who would never hurt a child, it can be frustrating — not to mention humbling — to feel as though you have to prove it.

You might think: I would never hurt a child. I would never abuse anyone. Why do I need to take this course? Why do I need a background check? Why can’t I simply be trusted?

Honestly, if you are someone who would never abuse a child, you should be grateful for that. How wonderful that you are not a person who wants to harm children! That is also the bare minimum we should expect from every single adult entrusted with children. Being someone who would never abuse a child is not an extraordinary qualification. It is the floor.

The purpose of safeguarding policies is not to identify the people we already know are dangerous. It is to help protect children from the people who appear trustworthy. Predators do not always look like predators. They do not always seem frightening, nor do they always have criminal records. Their behavior is not always immediately suspicious. Actually, oftentimes predators are charming, respected, and beloved by others. They are sometimes the people we would least expect to hurt someone. That is why safeguarding policies exist. While it is true that not every adult is dangerous, it is also true that not every adult is automatically safe.

“I Would Never Do That” Is Not a Safeguarding Policy

These conversations can feel uncomfortable. Submitting a background check might feel humiliating when you know you have done nothing wrong. Sitting through a training course discussing something you would never dream of doing is hard. It might even feel unfair. But instead of thinking, Why can’t I simply be trusted? perhaps the better question is: Why would I object to a safeguard that could make it more difficult for someone to hurt a child?

If you are truly a safe adult, these policies should be your ally. They help protect children from those who would harm them, but they can also protect adults from situations that could be misunderstood, manipulated, or exploited.

A background check does not mean the Church assumes you are a predator, nor does a training course mean the Church believes you are secretly waiting for an opportunity to harm a child. A policy requiring accountability does not mean every adult is dangerous. It means we have learned — often through the suffering of innocent children — that good intentions are not enough. Trust, a good reputation, and good character are not safeguarding policies, nor is a passionate declaration of: I would never do that!

Predators Can Find Ways Around Rules

While safeguarding policies are very important, it is also important to understand that they are not some sort of magic shield. Predators don’t play by the rules. No policy can guarantee that a predator will not violate it or attempt to find a way around it. Predators know how to gain trust, and they know how to present themselves as safe. It is all part of the grooming process.

This is why attentive adults matter. In an interview on the Dr. J Show, retired detective Douglas Kasten discussed how predators can sometimes get around established protocols designed to protect children. He emphasized that one of the most important protections for children is not simply a policy. It is attentive adults.

Parents and caregivers who know their children well are often the first line of defense. They are often the first ones to notice changes and ask questions. They pay attention when something feels wrong, and they do not dismiss concerns simply because the person involved is respected, admired, or considered trustworthy.

Safeguarding policies matter because they create boundaries, accountability, and a culture of awareness. However, the truth is that policies alone cannot protect children. Ultimately, attentive people protect children.

I was abused by a trusted authority figure — a Catholic priest. While I don’t blame anyone but him, I wish many of the safety practices being used today had existed then. I wish there had been a greater awareness that even respected people can fail, that authority can be misused, and that children need protection not only from obvious dangers, but also from those who appear trustworthy.

I wish there had been humility to recognize that priests are human beings and that, although they are capable of great good, they are also capable of sin, manipulation, and abuse. So many children might have been shielded from the pain they suffered if policies had made it more difficult for an adult to isolate a child, as my abuser did to me. I wish there had been a culture where asking questions was encouraged, where concerns were taken seriously, and where protecting a child’s safety was considered everyone’s responsibility.

Policies alone do not prevent every tragedy. Many parents love their children deeply, and many adults do their very best to protect the children entrusted to them. I know this personally. My own parents did have concerns. They sensed that something was not right. They asked questions, but when I denied what was happening, they believed me and agreed to drop it. My abuser had groomed me, and like many victims, I was afraid of the consequences of telling the truth.

For years, my own parents carried their own pain and regret. They wondered if they should have pursued things further. I don’t share this to blame them. I share it because this is exactly why we need greater awareness of grooming and stronger safeguards. Even the most loving and attentive parents can still miss what is happening. Even good people can be deceived, and children can still remain silent even when the adults around them love them deeply.

Predators are skilled at manipulation. They can deceive not only children, but entire families and communities. That is why we need both strong safeguarding policies that create boundaries and accountability, as well as attentive adults who know children well enough to notice when something changes, who are willing to listen, and who are willing to act when something does not seem right. Policies create a safer environment, but attentive adults help bring those policies to life.

Maybe those protections would not have prevented everything that happened to me, but maybe they would have created more opportunities for people to recognize grooming, ask better questions, and respond when something felt wrong.

When people complain about the policies that exist today, I sometimes want to say: You have no idea how much I wish those policies had existed years ago. I wish I had been given more tools and that there had been more awareness of grooming and manipulation. I wish there had been systems designed to support adults in recognizing danger, even when that danger came from someone respected and admired. I wish someone had been able to look at the circumstances surrounding my abuse and say: Something feels off. This does not feel safe.Instead, trust was placed in the wrong person, and that trust was exploited.

For some people, safeguarding is an inconvenience. But for every person rolling their eyes about having to complete training, submit paperwork, and grumbling about how strict the policies are, there’s a survivor somewhere who hears: protecting children and the vulnerable is inconvenient and too much. When you ask why you can’t just be trusted, there’s a survivor somewhere wishing someone had been willing to question the person who hurt them.

We Need Child Protection Policies Because We Live in a Broken World

I understand that it is painful that we need these policies. We live in a broken world, and it is painful that children cannot simply be assumed to be safe with every adult who appears respectable. It is painful that a priest, teacher, coach, volunteer, family member, or any other authority figure might abuse the trust placed in him. It is painful that we have learned — often through the suffering of children — that good intentions alone are not enough. However, acknowledging that reality is not an accusation against good people. It is an act of humility.

Safeguarding rules are not a statement that every adult is dangerous. They are a recognition that every adult has a responsibility to help create an environment where children are safer. Such rules are not an accusation against you, nor are they a declaration that you are untrustworthy. They are an acknowledgment that protecting children requires more than simply believing I would never do that. It requires boundaries, accountability, and awareness, and it requires adults who are willing to put a child’s safety above their own comfort.

The policies may feel inconvenient, the training may feel tedious, and the paperwork may feel frustrating. But the cost of those inconveniences is small compared to the lifelong impact abuse can have on a child. We follow the rules because children are precious and we have seen how easily trust can be abused. Good intentions are not enough, and we have learned from the suffering of survivors.

Somewhere, there is someone who was protected because adults chose humility over defensiveness. I know what it feels like when that some element of that protection is missing, and that is why I believe it matters.