Words matter. The way we speak about difficult, painful, or controversial topics has power. Our language has the power to heal, to harm, to clarify, or to confuse. While we shouldn’t fall into the trap of becoming “PR police,” obsessively tiptoeing around every word in fear of offending someone (which is ultimately impossible), we do need to be conscious of how our language shapes understanding. This is especially true when it comes to something as serious as abuse.
Recently, I came across several articles concerning the abuse of children by adults. One article reported that a young female teacher “had sex” with her teenage male student. Another article described a priest who “had sex with” three boys, two of whom were under the age of 16.
Let me be clear: these predators did not “have sex” with these children. Predators do not “have sex with” their victims (regardless of their age). That kind of language implies consent. It should be obvious to most rational adults that children cannot consent to sexual activity with an adult. What happened to them was not sex. It was rape.
Let’s call it what it is.
Calling it anything less minimizes the horror of the act, distorts reality, and further hurts survivors who are already battling to be seen and heard. Words can either illuminate the truth, or they can blur it. For survivors, those blurred lines only cause further wounds. They reinforce feelings of shame and confusion, and they send the message that what happened to them isn’t being taken seriously.
The media must do better. Accuracy in language is not about sensationalism, it’s about truth. It’s about justice. It’s also about respecting the dignity of those who have been violated. When we fail to name evil for what it is, we risk normalizing it, diminishing its impact, or excusing it altogether.
Being precise with our words requires courage. It forces us to face uncomfortable realities head-on rather than hiding behind softer language. Survivors need this sort of clarity. Our culture also desperately needs it if we are ever to confront abuse with complete honesty.
So let’s be clear, courageous, and truthful. Survivors deserve that. The public deserves that, and the truth—however uncomfortable—demands it.
