As if surviving clerical abuse isn’t tough enough, people often display a lack compassion towards survivors of clerical abuse. They often express dismay (sometimes disgust) when victims have remained practicing Catholics. Some people have even suggested that people like me who choose to stay are enablers and contributing to the church’s problems.
This isn’t helpful. It’s also cruel (not to mention ridiculous).
On the other hand, people sometimes express their disgust when survivors do leave the Church.
This isn’t helpful to survivors either.
Meeting Survivors Where They are at
Aside from fighting the corruption plaguing the church, we should focus on providing the resources that survivors need and meeting them wherever they are at. In other words, we should practice showing more compassion.
Many of my fellow victims have been hurt by our fellow Catholics’ lack of compassion. We have often been treated with indifference, anger, and annoyance. Predators are sometimes treated with more compassion than us victims. While some predators are indeed punished, others are given leniency, a mere slap on the wrist, tolerance, and compassion. When victims do report their abuse, they are often mistreated, not only by their fellow Catholics, but by their diocese. They are sometimes ostracized and even forced out of their parishes, places that have been like home to them.
And we wonder why so many clerical abuse victims have not only left the Catholic Church but have also become so disillusioned by the Catholic Faith! If a victim can’t fall back on the church family that he/she has always known, they will likely turn elsewhere. They will seek out people and communities who meet their needs and show them compassion. Sadly, some of these other “compassionate” resources are not good, healthy ones.
The greatest thing we can do for survivors of sexual abuse is to walk alongside them when they come forward. We can put our own prideful assumptions to the side and show them love, compassion, and tenderness. We can educate ourselves and help guide victims and their loved ones towards whatever help they need.
An Invitation
If there is anyone who understands the need for compassion, it’s the Peyton family of Louisiana. They have experienced first-hand the lack of compassion shown by many people within the Catholic Church – laity and hierarchy alike. Because of everything their family has gone through, the Peytons started the TentMakers of Louisiana, a non-profit dedicated to supporting survivors of clergy abuse. I am proud to stand with the Ruth Institute in their support of the TentMakers for their untiring support of sex abuse victims. As the Vice President of the Tentmaker’s Board of Directors, I would like to personally invite you to attend their Unmasking Sexual Abuse forum taking place on April 25th in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. You can find more details here.
Even if you can’t attend this wonderful event, please consider making a donation to the TentMakers. Every bit counts!
Let us all strive to be the hands and feet of Jesus here on earth. May we all do our best to show love, compassion, and respect towards all survivors and move forward with them one step at a time.
