I had no idea bringing your children to church could be so controversial. Recently, I shared something on my parish Facebook page about welcoming kids to Mass. It was a “loud kids policy” that started in another diocese. The response on my parish’s page was overwhelmingly positive. However, on other corners of social media, I’ve noticed this same conversation can quickly turn negative.
I can only speak for myself as a mother of six, ranging in age from fifteen years old to five months. Over the years, my husband and I have experienced both ends of the spectrum at our own parish. There have been harsh, judgmental comments about our kids’ energy, my pregnancies, and the size of our family.
Truthfully, people seem to most often go after moms in these situations, but my husband and I have both been made to feel embarrassed, disheartened, and sometimes deeply hurt. Considering this is the same place where I was abused long ago and betrayed by some fellow parishioners, these moments of judgment feel especially painful. They sting not only because they are unkind, but because they echo a past where I already felt harshly judged and unwelcome.
Many parents quietly wrestle with the challenge of raising children in a faith-filled way while balancing noisy Masses, diaper changes, and sleep-deprived mornings. For large families in particular, the judgments can feel louder than the prayers themselves. Yet even amidst the messiness, God is present, and so are countless parishioners who go out of their way to offer quiet support and encouragement.
Despite the moments of shaming, there have also been many moments of pure joy and gratitude. I remember attending a parish mission at the end of a long day. Our three-year-old at the time was tired and therefore a bit rambunctious. My husband and I do take our kids to the back of the church when necessary, and we do discipline them. That being said, kids are not typically still and silent creatures.
Following a negative comment about our toddler, I found myself hiding at the back of the church holding my tired little one as I cried in frustration and shame. Later, a longtime family acquaintance came up to me and said, “It’s so beautiful to see you here! You and your husband just keep bringing those babies!” That small act of kindness was a breath of fresh air and a gift I will never forget. That same woman frequently tells us how much she loves hearing our little ones during Mass. On days we’ve struggled, she has looked our way and offered a reassuring, compassionate smile.
Last Christmas, a woman we had never seen before made a random negative comment about our family size. I just smiled in response. After that Mass, a different woman who my family has known for years, told me how beautiful it was to see all of us and what a gift our children are. That was another gift from God in a moment when I needed it most.
A few years ago, a man, seeing me pregnant, said, “Congratulations on another blessing!” It came shortly after some very cruel comments from a relative who questioned why we would even have another child. Here was another of God’s glimmers, reminding me of His love and provision.
For every negative comment or judgmental stare we’ve received, there are people who reassure us, offer support, and show love, care, and compassion. These are the examples we need to set for others. I am so grateful for people like this.
Watching my children during Mass often reminds me of the beauty of simplicity in faith. Their laughter, curiosity, and even their restlessness are little glimpses of the joy and wonder God desires for us. I see His kingdom in action when our oldest son serves at the altar. He is quietly reverent and full of dedication. When our older daughters help care for their younger siblings, I see their efforts in guiding them gently and showing them love. In those moments, our family feels like a little church within the church. We are supporting one another, growing together, and reflecting Christ in our shared presence. In my children’s small hands, big hearts, and even their big questions, I see God’s kingdom here on earth.
Children will be noisy sometimes. They will be wiggly. Yes, parents do need to be mindful of their children’s behavior. Discipline is important. Even so, we must be careful before jumping to judgment. So many parents are doing their best, balancing the demands of little ones while also focusing on Jesus, and we rarely see the whole picture.
Don’t be “that” person who complains that you don’t see enough families at Mass and then get upset when the families you do see aren’t perfect. Don’t be the reason someone stops bringing their kids to Mass.
If a child is rambunctious, or if you think a family is “too big” (shame on you for thinking that, by the way), pause and reflect before responding. You don’t always understand the struggles a child or a family is dealing with at that moment.
Instead of criticizing, praise families for showing up. They are supposed to be there. Offer to help if you can. Next time you see a parent quietly juggling a toddler and a hymn book, or a baby fussing in the pew, offer a smile, a kind word, or a simple “thank you for being here.” Small acts of support can leave a lasting impact, sometimes more than we ever realize.
As someone who has experienced hurt within the Church, I know how deeply a little kindness can heal. A warm smile, a word of encouragement, or simply seeing families welcomed openly can remind us all of the love Christ calls us to share.
In a culture that devalues life, our Church should be a place that celebrates and protects it. We are stronger when we welcome little ones and support their families. Let us choose encouragement over cruelty, gentleness over judgment, and love over impatience.
Quite simply, friends, let us reflect Christ.
“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Matthew 19:14
