When Grief and Hope Collide: A Personal Reflection on a New Pope
I had an unexpected reaction at Mass a couple of weeks ago. When our pastor mentioned the election of our new pope, I felt a deep and overwhelming wave of emotion well up inside me. The tears wouldn’t stop. I quietly slipped out during the homily to compose myself. I have to admit that I […]
Francis is Gone. We Grieve but the Wounds Remain
With Pope Francis’s death comes a complex wave of grief. His pontificate leaves many wounds. Many people (Catholics and non-Catholics alike) are mourning a man they saw as warm, humble, and deeply concerned for the poor and marginalized. His words on mercy and his calls to lead with compassion touched countless hearts. He urged the […]
A Time to Grieve and a Time to Pray
Pope Francis has died. As someone who has lived through the wounds of the Church (and still loves her deeply), I find myself sitting in this moment with a mix of emotions. I know I’m not alone. When the Catholic Church makes headlines, survivors react. It can stir up memories—some painful and some good. The […]
Theodore McCarrick Has Died: Justice, Mercy, and the Work Still Ahead
The news of the death of disgraced ex-Cardinal Theodore McCarrick brings with it a flood of emotions for many, especially survivors of clerical abuse. McCarrick’s crimes and the extensive damage he caused—to victims, to the Church, to the faithful—cannot be overstated. He abused his power, manipulated countless lives, and for far too long, evaded the […]
Overwhelmed? That’s No Excuse.
Justin Welby, former Archbishop of Canterbury, recently made comments about his failure to follow up on abuse allegations within the Church of England because the scale was “absolutely overwhelming.” This statement struck a nerve with me and with many survivors of sexual abuse. I get it. As a survivor of clerical abuse, I’ve seen firsthand […]
A Plea to Stop Shaming Survivors: A Call to Greater Compassion in the Church
One of the most harmful things anyone can do to a survivor of abuse is to shame them by bringing up their past sins or struggles. This adds to the suffering they have already endured and deepens their wounds. We should demonstrate compassion, understanding, and love. Here’s what we shouldn’t do: we should never add […]
Let God be God: A Lenten Reflection on Trust and Surrender
Lent is a time to step back, strip away distractions, and allow God to be God. It’s a season of sacrifice, silence, growth, prayer, and renewal. Too often, we try to take control of everything in our lives from our pain to our healing to our futures. Some of us might even try to control […]
The USCCB’s Lawsuit: Another Case of Selective Justice
The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) is suing the U.S. government for breaching a contract. Yet, as a survivor of clerical abuse, I can’t help but ask: where is this passion for justice and accountability when survivors cry out for help? For decades, survivors of clerical abuse have begged church leaders for transparency, […]
You are Loved Beyond Measure: A Reflection for Those Struggling on Valentine’s Day
Valentine’s Day can be a difficult day for some people. Maybe you’re single and longing for that special someone to sweep you off your feet. Perhaps you’ve been betrayed by someone you trusted—someone you thought was “the one.” Maybe you feel unseen, forgotten, or simply tired of the world’s definition of love, a definition that […]
The Shattered Illusion of Safety: Grooming Gangs, Clerical Abuse, and the Global Culture of Silence
The issue with the UK’s grooming gangs scandal was recently reignited by some public comments made by Elon Musk. It brings to light a harrowing truth that echoes across the globe: when people in positions of power prioritize image or convenience over justice, the most vulnerable suffer. What are Grooming Gangs? For those of you […]
A Troubling Appointment
This is especially true for survivors of clerical abuse. The Vatican’s decision raises serious concerns about the Vatican’s commitment to justice, accountability, and the dignity of survivors. Sadly, this is a recurring theme with the Vatican.
Midweek Motivation: Finding Light in the Darkness This Christmas Season
The Christmas season is upon us. I hope it’s a time of joy, family, and celebration for you. But if it’s not, I want to remind you that it’s okay to not be okay. If you are carrying grief, know that you are not alone. When we are grieving or carrying trauma, it’s not unusual […]
False Accusations and the Call to Discernment
In a time where sensational headlines and social media outrage dominate, it’s easy to react emotionally when allegations of wrongdoing arise. This is particularly true when they involve a priest or someone we admire. Our natural instinct may be to rush to the defense of those who appear to share our values, or to hastily […]
Grief During the Holidays
The holidays are upon us again, bringing a flood of emotions. While this season is often filled with joy and celebration, for many of us it also comes with heartache and grief. Whether we are mourning the loss of a loved one or grieving a different kind of loss—such as a broken relationship, a significant […]
Finding God’s Purpose in Pain: A Reflection on Trauma and Healing
I recently turned the big 4-0, and I have to admit, it hit me harder than I expected. Turning 40 is already a milestone that can bring about mixed emotions. This birthday also felt like a punch to the gut because it stirred up some issues tied to my past abuse. It’s been a time […]
When the Truth Comes Out Before You’re Ready: Telling My Child About My Abuse
Recently, something happened that I wasn’t ready for when someone inadvertently mentioned to my son that I had been abused by a priest. Up until that moment, none of my children knew about my connection to trauma beyond the loss of my brother. They knew I help trauma victims, but they didn’t know I was […]
Gratitude: A Key to Healing
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ve probably realized that I talk about gratitude quite a bit. That’s because it is just so important! When we are faced with trauma, suffering, loss and grief, the path to healing can seem impossible to find. We might feel easily overwhelmed by the weight of […]
Shadows of Silence: The Parallels of Abuse in Hollywood and the Church
A Culture of Silence and Exploitation As a survivor of clerical sexual abuse, I have often grappled with the ways powerful institutions (such as the Catholic Church) protect abusers and exploit the vulnerable. The Church is a place that should serve as a moral beacon. Instead, it has too often turned a blind eye to […]
Midweek Motivation: The Power of Prayer Amid Suffering
Suffering is a part of this life that none of us escape. Whether it’s our own pain or the anguish we feel when watching a loved one struggle, the weight of suffering can be overwhelming. In a world where abuse, divorce, identity issues, and the scars of past lifestyles are all too common, it’s easy […]
Why I Continue to Speak About Clerical Abuse: The Unseen Impact of Giving Voice to Survivors
One of the greatest challenges I personally face is the constant push from many individuals to stop speaking about clerical abuse. Trust me, I “get” it. It might seem like a topic that has been exhausted and a chapter that the Church has closed with a sense of finality. I often hear questions like, “Why […]
Outrage Over the Continued Use of Rupnik’s Art by the Vatican: A Betrayal of Survivors and the Faithful
As a survivor of clerical abuse, I am both outraged and heartbroken by the Vatican’s continued use of artwork by Fr. Marko Rupnik, a known sexual offender whose exploits are under investigation. Despite calls from survivors, clergy, and even Cardinal Sean O’Malley, head of the Pontifical Commission for the Protection of Minors, urging that all […]
Finding Strength in Adversity: A Personal Journey Through Pain and Healing
I want to share a personal story from last week that illustrates how healing from pain is always possible, and how we often find strength in unexpected ways. One of the greatest realizations when faced with a difficult situation is discovering your own resilience. Often, you are stronger and more capable of overcoming challenges than […]
An Open Letter to Fellow Catholics: Reflections from a Survivor of Clerical Abuse during the National Eucharistic Congress
Dear Fellow Catholics, As many Catholics prepare to gather for the National Eucharistic Conference, reflecting on the profound gift of Christ’s true Presence in the Eucharist, I am compelled to address a painful reality within our Church that demands everyone’s attention and heartfelt response. I am certain that I speak not only for myself as […]
Addressing the Challenges of Pride Month for Survivors of Sexual Abuse
Recently, I spoke with some survivors of childhood sexual abuse. They are males who were abused by males. These brave individuals shared how difficult the month of June is for them. The in-your-face displays of Pride can be triggering and deeply distressing. Pride month demonstrations highlight a group of individuals who are in need of […]
Fathers: Celebrating Their Influence and Leadership in Healing Sexual Abuse Survivors
Fathers play a vital and irreplaceable role in the lives of their children. Sadly, the role of fathers is often underestimated, yet they truly are the unsung heroes in our lives. They play a crucial role in providing stability, guidance, and nurturing for children, all of which are essential for healthy development. Too many children […]
The Case for Removing Marko Rupnik’s Artwork: A Clerical Abuse Survivor’s Perspective
Once again, the Vatican is facing backlash for using disgraced Jesuit’s Marko Rupnik’s art in a recent article on the Solemnity of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. As a survivor of clerical abuse, I offer my perspective on the necessity of removing Marko Rupnik’s artwork. The criminal accusations against Rupnik have brought to light the […]
Not to Blame: The Universal Reality of Grooming and Sexual Abuse
This is just a reminder that grooming and sexual abuse know no boundaries. The person sitting next to you in church, on the train, or walking by you in the grocery story could be a victim of sexual abuse and you might never know it. Sexual abuse doesn’t discriminate based on age, appearance, race, gender, […]
A Special Mother’s Day Message to all Women
As Mother’s Day draws near, let us take a moment to reflect on the profound significance of womanhood and motherhood. Today, I want to share a special message for all women. The Gift of Motherhood In his Theology of the Body, St. Pope Saint John Paul II reminds us that a woman’s body is inherently […]
Midweek Motivation: Finding Joy in the Ordinary
When we are dealing with difficult times, finding joy can be difficult. Yet, God brings us reason to have joy, and it brings us a profound strength that sustains us even when we suffer. Finding joy in the ordinary is such a crucial part of healing. Yes, we can learn to find joy even in […]
Showing Compassion to Survivors of Clerical Abuse and an Invitation
As if surviving clerical abuse isn’t tough enough, people often display a lack compassion towards survivors of clerical abuse. They often express dismay (sometimes disgust) when victims have remained practicing Catholics. Some people have even suggested that people like me who choose to stay are enablers and contributing to the church’s problems. This isn’t helpful. […]
Triumph Over Suffering
Everyone suffers whether due to their own personal choices, because of what someone has done to them, or because of natural occurrences. Life certainly doesn’t seem “fair” at times but by opening our lives to Christ we discover that only He can triumph over suffering. He is the key! Jesus never said anything about this life […]
Why are You Still Catholic?
The Catholic Church has been challenged to say the least. Scandal after scandal has reared its ugly head due to the failings of people. Speaking as a survivor of clerical abuse, the scandals within the church have been horrifying. That’s putting it mildly. However, I have made the choice to remain a practicing Catholic. Easily […]
Midweek Motivation: You Can Do Hard Things
No matter what has happened in your life, no matter what anyone has done to you, and no matter what mistakes you have made, you have shown that you can do hard things. You have come this far. By the grace of God, you have gotten through difficult times that you probably thought you never […]
Should Past Sins be Forgotten?
A woman recently told me that I should stop talking about issues such as Cardinal Victor Manuel Fernández’s scandalous book, Mystical Passion. Her reasoning was that this book is a thing of the past. “Past sins are forgotten. We need to move on,” she said. This isn’t the first time someone has said something like […]
Deflecting the Blame
A few weeks ago, I commented that the work of Cardinal Víctor Manuel Fernández, head of the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith, was nauseating. One book in particular, The Mystical Passion, that was published back in 1998 and subsequently removed from publication, created quite a stir with its mystical/erotic themes and graphic sexual language. Fernández’s latest response […]
A Clerical Abuse Survivor’s Response to Cardinal Fernández’s Book, “The Mystical Passion”
I read some of The Mystical Passion and found it nauseating. It’s sexually graphic, blasphemous, and completely inappropriate on so many levels. It would likely be especially triggering for any survivor of sexual abuse. It certainly was for me. I only got through a few portions before I felt physically ill and had to stop.
Identity in Christ
There is evil in the world and a big reason for this is that many people have stopped putting their identity in Christ. We see evil all around us. It is present in our families, churches, schools, government, and everywhere else. This upside-down world will never change until people open their hearts to the light […]
A Season of Hope
The Advent season is upon us and so we enter into a season centered on hope. Yet, I want to remind you to hold onto the virtue of hope always through all seasons. If you have been following this blog or following me on social media for a while, you’ll know that I am passionate about […]
Midweek Motivation: Open Your Eyes to God’s Glimmers of Grace
We have officially entered into the holiday season. This time of year can certainly be a mix of emotions and chaos. Before the hustle and bustle takes over, I want to motivate you to take some time to open your eyes to God’s glimmers of grace. “What are glimmers of grace?” you might ask. My […]
An Open Letter to my Parish Family
Recently my parish celebrated its 25-year anniversary. I didn’t expect that it would be an occasion of so many mixed emotions for me. It has turned out to be quite bittersweet. After all, the merger that joined four parishes in my hometown is what set in motion the events leading to me being sexually abused […]
Midweek Motivation: Healing from the Desire for Revenge
Most of us have heard the expression, “Two wrongs do not make a right.” This seems like a fairly simple concept and yet so often we try to justify hurting others because they have hurt us (tit for tat). Even if revenge feels like the only way to right a wrong, it’s not the solution. […]
The Danger of Forgive and Forget
Whether you are healing from sexual abuse, the death of a loved one, a medical condition, or any other difficult situation, you are bound to hear some unsolicited advice at one time or another. Sometimes, we are able to let the not-so-great advice slide. At other times, the negative advice sticks with us. I have […]
Midweek Motivation: The Power of Smiling
Smiling seems so basic but it can be a challenge for someone who is contending with trauma. When we are upset, the last thing we feel inclined to do is smile or laugh. I am sure most of us sometimes neglect to smile especially during hard times. I have certainly been there many times! However, […]
When Justice Fails: A Clerical Abuse Survivor’s Thoughts on the Dismissal of Theodore McCarrick’s Criminal Charges
Sometimes, earthly justice fails. In a devastating blow to survivors of clerical abuse, the legal justice system in Massachusetts has dismissed the criminal charges of sexual abuse against former cardinal Theodore McCarrick. Medical professionals agree that he is suffering from dementia and say he is no longer mentally competent to stand trial. Sadly, the victims […]
Combating the Effects of the Sexual Revolution: Some Book Recommendations
It hardly seems possible, but school is back in session (in most states). As if June (Pride Month) wasn’t bad enough with its rampant displays of promiscuity and godlessness, many parents are gearing up for the horror show facing their children, not only in public schools, but also in many private and Christian/Catholic schools. Now […]
Midweek Motivation – Acceptance: The First Step Towards Healing
When people ask me what the first step towards healing is, my answer is acceptance. Acceptance is necessary for anyone trying to come to terms with any kind of traumatic event. It is not only the first step towards healing but is also oftentimes the hardest. Before any healing can take place, you need to be […]
Returning to Confession After Priestly Abuse
Returning to church and to the sacraments (especially confession) after priestly abuse can undeniably be difficult. I wrote a bit about it here. While our churches should be places of spiritual enrichment helping us to grow in holiness, they can sometimes be places of torment for survivors of priestly abuse. There is perhaps no place […]
Midweek Motivation: Fighting the Battle for the Soul of America
How far we have come since that first Independence Day! Since then, the battle for the soul of America has only grown worse.
Resisting Pride: Tips for Getting Through Pride Month
Resisting Pride is possible, even in June, and this week I have some tips for getting through Pride Month.
To all Fathers on Father’s Day
By Faith Hakesley This Sunday we remember fathers. Let’s face it, families, fathers, and fatherhood are under attack in today’s culture. Fathers are important. Some people want to believe that we don’t need good dads. Yet, time and time again, we have seen the dire results of fatherless homes. We see what happens when men […]
Speaking the Truth in Love
By Faith Hakesley Well, June is here. It’s pretty hard to miss. Most everywhere we look, we are inundated (more so than usual) with rainbows and other symbols of “Pride.” These Pride events display cultural grooming at its finest. Many of us are filled with anger and frustration at the left’s agenda being thrown in […]
The Power of Speaking Up
By Faith Hakesley Something I have learned through, not only my own experience, but the experiences of others, is that speaking up about injustices done to you or others is tough. Whether you are a whistleblower regarding particular issues or you are coming forward about abuse in order to take down a predator, your cross […]
Community Support for Victims of Sexual Abuse
By Faith Hakesley As a survivor of sexual abuse, my heart holds a special place for my fellow survivors. I hope this little Advice from a Survivor blog can offer a small bit of support. Every time I click the “publish” button, my prayer is that God speaks to you through my writing. No matter […]
Honoring All Mothers This Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day can understandably be a day met with mixed reactions by different people depending on their experiences. While many of us will rejoice in the tremendous gift of motherhood, many of us will also grieve on Mother’s Day for the wounds we carry – the wounds of miscarriage, child loss, parent loss, infertility, single […]
Seeds of Hope
It’s okay if you’re struggling right now. I want to remind you that, even in the midst of the most difficult circumstances, you are not alone. Allow God to plant seeds of hope in your heart and over time you will find that your wounds grow into something beautiful. There are a lot of assumptions […]
Faking it Until You Make it
“I’m fine.” How often do we say those two little words? How often do we actually mean them? I can recall many situations in which people have asked, “How are you?” and the response in my head has been much different than what I have actually said out loud. Over the years, I’ve gotten really […]
Pride: The Root of Clerical Abuse
When people ask me why I think the clerical abuse scandal has gone on as long as it has and continues to unfold, I respond by saying that there are many reasons. However, I believe that pride is at the root of it. Before we continue, some of you might be quick to assume that […]
God’s Love in Our Wounds
We live in a wounded world. There is so much pain and suffering. All of us are wounded in one way or another whether it is through no fault of our own or because of the sins of another. When we choose to acknowledge our woundedness, we can actually grow. Our wounds and scars remind […]
Choosing to Heal: Will You Live as a Victim or as a Victor?
Learning to truly live again after being hurt is challenging. While we all live with wounds of one kind or another, it can be all too easy for us to sit in our hurts and remain there. All survivors have to choose to heal – to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, move forward, and […]
Midweek Motivation: Dancing for Joy
Sometimes we all need to be reminded to reclaim childlike joy. Last weekend I was reminded of this as a result of a breakthrough “aha” moment. In a spontaneous moment of carefree fun with my family, I found myself dancing for joy for the first time in a long time. I have never been much […]
Wolves in Sheep’s Clothing
In the gospel of Matthew, Jesus warns His followers, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly are ravenous wolves” (Matthew 7:15). We have been warned of this many times and yet we are still easily deceived. These wolves in sheep’s clothing are master manipulators. They live among us in […]
The Beauty of Womanhood: A Reflection on True Feminine Strength
Recently, a friend asked me how I think women can help fight against the sexual revolution and counter its lies. Quite simply, I think it’s time that women take back the beauty of womanhood and embrace true feminine strength. Strong Women We hear about “strong women” so much these days. Yet, oddly enough, our culture […]
Midweek Motivation: Doing the Impossible
Sometimes, parts of life feel impossible. Healing is one such part. When life feels impossible, slow down and take things one step at a time. Keep putting one foot in front of the other until you get through the seemingly impossible seasons. You might be grieving your past choices or contending with the aftermath of […]
Returning to Church After Clerical Abuse: Suggestions from a Survivor
by Faith Hakesley For centuries, churches have been places of worship and refuge. Yet, we have been faced with the sad fact that some people do not always provide a safe place for worship or refuge. While our churches should be places of spiritual enrichment helping us to grow in holiness, they can sometimes be […]
Midweek Motivation
If you are contending with any kind of trauma, you are probably feeling overwhelmed. That’s only natural. However, if the physical space around you is cluttered and disorganized, you will likely feel even more overwhelmed. Decluttering can be an important part of self-care especially when you are healing from trauma. Choosing to surround yourself with […]
The TentMakers of Louisiana: An Interview with Letitia Peyton
You never know how your voice and your experiences might become a part of someone else’s story of healing. God calls us all to something different. The important thing is that we remain open to what we feel called to do. The Peyton family of Louisiana is one such example of what it means to […]
Midweek Motivation: Small Steps, Big Changes
Entering into the New Year with Simple, Manageable Goals As we enter into this new year, I just want to remind you that it’s okay to slow down and approach the year with small steps. Sometimes the smallest steps can lead to the biggest changes. Each new year we are hit with many suggestions to […]
Hope Renewed: Meeting Pope Benedict XVI
Sometimes all it takes is a single person in a single moment to renew someone’s hope and help them to heal. For me, it was Pope Benedict XVI who planted the seeds of hope in my heart during a time when I needed it most. This week I want to share about this life-changing and […]
