Learning to truly live again after being hurt is challenging. While we all live with wounds of one kind or another, it can be all too easy for us to sit in our hurts and remain there. All survivors have to choose to heal – to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, move forward, and either live like a victim or a victor.
The Merriam-Webster Dictionary tells us the definitions of victim and victor:
victim – one that is acted on and usually adversely affected by a force or agent, one that is injured, destroyed, or sacrificed under any of various conditions, one that is subjected to oppression, hardship, or mistreatment, one that is tricked or duped.
victor – one that defeats an enemy or opponent.
Is there one that sounds more like you than the other? Which one would you rather be?
The decision to pursue the life of a victor isn’t always an easy decision to make. We don’t necessarily choose the crosses we carry. Sometimes it doesn’t seem “fair” when someone who has been hurt by the sins of another has to pay the price. Yet, survivors do have to choose to either deal with the pain (this is ideal) or attempt to suppress it (certainly not ideal).
One needs to commit to doing the work in order to heal. For example, a survivor can read numerous books about mental health and trauma and see really good therapists and psychiatrists. They could be doing all the “right” things but, if they are not applying what they are learning, then nothing will change for them. They will likely continue living like a victim.
Will you live as a victim?
While your experiences as a victim will always be a part of you, will they forever define you?
Will you continue living in fear, making no effort to overcome that fear?
Will you continue living with a “woe is me” mentality?
Will you get stuck in your negative emotions and allow them to consume you?
Will you always blame other people for any problem you face?
Will you constantly make excuses and not make an effort to heal?
Will you allow even the small negativities in your life to take over all the positive things?
Will you live as a victor?
Will you allow yourself to feel your emotions and process them?
Will you allow your past to lead to positive personal growth?
Will you learn to take accountability whenever necessary?
Will you put in the work to heal?
Will you find and use the necessary resources to heal?
Will you embrace the positive things and be grateful for them?
Will you learn to address your triggers and emotions?
Will you take ownership for your needs?
Will you practice kindness towards yourself and others?
Will you forgive and let go of bitterness?
Will you rely on God in good times and in bad, trusting yourself to His grace and mercy?
It’s your choice.
You have to be motivated to heal. You have to choose to heal. No one else can do that for you. No one else can do the work for you. While having support and resources are great, they won’t make a difference if you don’t apply what you have learned.
Ultimately, you have to decide if you will forever live as a victim or if you will live as a victor despite all the difficulties you have endured. You get to choose to persevere – to keep picking up your crosses and relying on God every step of the way. He will always help you bear your crosses. Embrace God’s grace to help you on your healing journey. He wants to help you heal. Even when your crosses feel too heavy to carry, remember that nothing is too heavy for our Heavenly Father.
By the way, there is nothing “wrong” with you if, even after doing the work, you still have bad days or are hit with triggers. This doesn’t mean you are trying any less. Just keep going! Healing takes time – it can be lifelong – and it looks different for everyone.
I do want to note that some people have extenuating circumstances that slow healing down or prevent it from happening. There might also be other components involved in suffering that are holding someone in a rut (pre-existing mental health issues or spiritual attacks to name a couple of examples). It’s not quite as simple as telling a victim, “Just do it!” Not everyone has the same resources, support, and encouragement. We weren’t meant to heal alone but sadly many people are forced to.
Even so, no matter what your circumstances are, there is always hope!
No one can simply “get over” trauma. You can, however, learn to face it, carry it, and thrive in spite of it. It is possible to overcome a perpetual victim mindset. Freedom from the bonds of trauma is possible.
Embrace your ability to overcome!
Yes, YOU CAN DO IT!
If you haven’t already, choose whether you will live like a victim or if instead you will take the necessary steps to arise victorious from the ashes.
Stand up, take a deep breath, dust yourself off, and keep climbing. Please don’t give up! You deserve to heal. Choose to heal. Are you ready to stop being a victim? Are you ready to be a victor? God believes in you. I believe in you. I hope you believe in yourself too!
