I was the second of seven children, and as a child, I never really had a good relationship with my father. He was into sports, and I was creative, artistic, and musically inclined. Though I tried, my athletic abilities were terrible, and peers brought a lot of shame for them. I was ridiculed by both the neighborhood kids and some parents for my lack of sports skills. Once I began to attend public school, fitting in was even more challenging, finding that most of my friends were girls.
At age 13, I was sexually violated by an adult male stranger on my way home from a dance lesson. I kept the secret festering in my heart for years. In trying to deal with the memory, I blamed myself, God, and even my dad for being away on business. Two years earlier I’d been exposed to pornography by friends my age. Both this and the abuse I endured sparked unwanted same-sex attraction (SSA).
At 17, I got born-again during the Jesus Movement and believed my life issues and painful past would disappear, but no. I began struggling and secretly acted on my SSA, while constantly seeking a way out. I never wanted to adopt a gay lifestyle, I never took on a gay identity, and I never believed that God was ok with how I was hooking up with men.
Because I never considered myself to be gay, when I married and had children, I hoped I would finally be free. Rather, I was unfaithful to my wife as those desires compelled me to seek out men while away on business trips, even while constantly fighting them, then eventually giving in to them. My untold secrets slowly began to crush me, as I continued to fall to the compulsion to sin.
What I didn’t realize was I had become addicted to anonymous sexual encounters with men. I tried to stop many times but gained no traction with long-term success. I developed a ritual of acting out, and part of that ritual was crying out to God for forgiveness, begging Him after each episode to take these attractions away.
Finally, God spoke to my spirit, saying, “I cannot take away from you what I did not give you. You must surrender it to Me.” I realized trying to quit sinning is different than surrendering it to Him. With that revelation, the Lord showed me that I needed recovery from the addiction I’d given myself to for nearly 30 years.
After much prayer and repentance, I confessed to my wife, telling her all about my childhood traumas, the sexual violation, and the adulteries and asked her forgiveness. Because she showed compassion and understanding, and forgave me, I was empowered to face recovery for sexual addictions.
As I brought my hidden sin into the light, what was once a heavy burden was replaced with peace. Slowly but surely, our marriage was repaired through consistent honesty, rebuilt trust, and accountability with other men in my recovery process. We’ve remained together for over 40 years and have raised three sons. What’s more, by God’s grace, it has been over three decades since I have had sexual contact with anyone but my wife.
I believe my faithful relationship with my heavenly Father gave me the courage to confront the wounds of my past. Over time, He led me to build relationships with men that redeemed the distorted ways I understood myself and brought healing to the traumas of molestation and perceived childhood abandonment.
As I have embraced my masculinity and learned to love myself as a man, a husband, and father, same-sex feelings have diminished, and God has restored a strong sense of maleness in me. Jesus delivered me from the compulsion to hook-up with men. I feel secure as God’s son made whole, and my former sexual compulsions no longer master my life. Since 2003, I have been ministering to Christian men desiring freedom from their own unwanted LGBTQ issues, pointing them towards Jesus and the same freedom He has granted me.
-Daniel Mingo
