Testimony of Sean Swart from South Africa in response to our Ex-Gay Visibility campaign
For as long as I can recall I had desires that conflicted with my conscience and later my faith in Jesus – I experience same sex attraction.
In my teenage years I gave my heart to Jesus but the desires didn’t vanish just by saying a prayer. When laws in South Africa changed in 1995 I encountered pornography and it set me on fire. My life split into two – wanting to please God and please my flesh, its desires now released from my Pandora’s box closet, fueled by pornography and later drugs.
Addiction has its own power and it caused me to choose to rebel against God, the Bible and church. I became very promiscuous, very angry and sought to destroy God by dabbling in outright Satanic worship. I burned bibles, vandalized churches and continued raving my false identity despite growing sicker with HIV and then AIDS.
After years of fire, lust and drugs, my world finally collapsed where I lost my career, my friends, my lifestyle, my drugs, my dignity and almost my life. Social services intervened and arranged that I would spend my last months at a frail care facility and die in a bed and not on the pavement.
But God had other plans. The Gospel came to me again after all my excuses in running and fighting had been spent. Jesus invited me back into the Father’s presence and offered forgiveness, He extended mercy and faithfulness, despite all I had done.
None of my old friends or dealers or devils where there to pull me back – Jesus did. And now I live my life, my new life, for Him. He is worth saying “no” to still present sinful desires. He is the basis of my identity, not that which tempts me and will ruin me if I follow it. I would rather follow Him. He is better and far more beautiful, my Strength and Stay.
Help the Ruth Institute share hope for healing by supporting our ex-gay visibility campaign. More people need to know change is possible. “Once gay always gay” is a lie. Help us spread that message!
