Dear Bob: Letters to a Hopeful Marriage Apologist

Note: I get many letters from people asking for studies or quick answers to defend marriage to their friends. I get so many of these requests, I decided to put together a set of standard responses. I hope this series will be helpful for more people than those particular individuals who have written to me. With some time and study and practice, anyone can become a Marriage Apologist within their own sphere of influence! Dear Bob,

Thanks for your note. I am so glad that you feel motivated to explain the truth about
marriage to your friend.  I am eager to enlist you in our campaign for “one man, one woman, for life!” I am sorry to say, however, that I cannot
just give you a list a studies “showing gay marriage is bad for society.”  First off, such studies don’t exist in the form that you are asking about.
And second off, your friend is unlikely to be persuaded by such empirical evidence anyhow.  But you probably guessed that already! Let me give you
a few first steps. First: educate yourself about marriage itself. If we don’t know what marriage is, and why it is good for society, we won’t have
a clue as to the significance of a gender requirement. ( And BTW, I suggest that you avoid the term “gay marriage” and similar terms.  Our position
is that there is no such thing as “gay marriage.”  We should not argue about whether “gay marriage is good for society.”  That already accepts
your opponents’ terms of debate. But I digress.) As a first step in educating yourself, I suggest studying Love and Economics.
You can do this two ways. If you are a reader, you can buy the book from the Ruth Store and read it. If you are a listener, you can go to our podcast page
and listen to this recent talk that I gave to about 150 law students. I think
it will be a good level for you, reasonably sophisticated, without assuming
too much prior knowledge. Second, I suggest you do some serious praying, by name, for the particular person you anticipate dialoguing with. Put yourself
into an attitude of love toward him. And I don’t mean touchy feely modern so-called love. I mean “to will and to do the good of the other.”  Your
attitude toward him will seep into your words. If you secretly hold him or her in contempt or disdain, they will sense that. But if you are genuinely concerned
for that person’s good, you will be attentive to their underlying concerns. Often the real issue is not the issue that people first bring up. So, you want
to be sensitive to whatever those other issues might be. Third, I would suggest you tune in to the Ruth Facebookpage and observe the rhetorical strategies that we use.  You can even chime in and practice, if you feel so moved.  We would like that. This
will get you started. After you’ve done these things, we can talk some more. Your friend, Dr. J You too, can join our efforts to create a marriage culture. Go and Like the Ruth Institute Facebook page, or subscribe to the Ruth Institute podcast series!