A note from a Facebook friend prompted me to reflect on family secrets and their potentially toxic impact on relationships. I want you to know why I have not responded to your call to “share our stories.” I cannot tell the whole of my story until some in it are no longer living- I guess we all keep our secrets to some extent. I just wanted to let you know I’m paying attention, even if there is no evidence of it. Keep the faith!!
Here is my response to her: Thank you my friend. This means a lot to me. I do not know that I would speak out so boldly, if my own parents were still
living. Having said that, let me encourage you to consider this: Family secrets can be poisonous. Be on the lookout for situations where hidden information
is burdening someone unnecessarily. Sharing parts of your story could be very healing for younger members of your family. Sometimes, younger family
members have suspicions about some Forbidden Topic. No one is willing to talk about the subject at all. The suspicions never get confirmed or denied.
The
suspicions that people build up inside their imaginations could be worse than the reality. Sometimes younger family members are looking for a simple
apology or a simple acknowledgement that something has happened that should not have happened. I know many young people who would be very grateful
for that. And I know young people who have had an adult apologize to them: the young person is indeed, very grateful. Of course, I trust your
judgment about this. There is no formula for doing this sort of thing exactly right. We do not want to reveal information that would be harmful
to others. But if the only person who will be embarrassed is you, well, maybe you should think about enduring the embarrassment, for the good of the
family. Pray about this. Ruth Readers: What do you think about this issue? Join the conversation on our Facebook page.
