This article was first published at Fathers for Good on November 23, 2016.
New book outlines Catholic plan for marriage
If the “101 Tips” of this handy little book could be summed up in a few words, they would be: Know thyself. The wisdom of Socrates holds true today,
though the modern dating scene may cause him to add: Know the other person, too.
Authors Jennifer Roback Morse and Betsy Kerekes, of the Ruth Institute, have culled a wealth of social science, psychology, common sense and personal
insights in 101 Tips for Marrying the Right Person (Ave
Maria Press). The book serves as a sort of prequel to their 2013 release, 101 Tips for a Happier Marriage.
But it would be simplistic to assume that if you read their latest book on dating you won’t need the earlier one on marriage. We all need help
in getting our relationships right.
The authors are clear from the start: “Basically, the young adult Catholic dating scene is horrific.” A brief chat with young Catholics will confirm
this statement. There are no rules, even the chaste and faithful are afraid to commit, and parents, parishes and priests – three strong forces
for matchmaking in the past – have pretty much left young people to find their own way. Thus, this book is not only for the young Catholic searching
for love, it is also for older folks who want to have some ready answers and advice for the young ones in their lives. It would also make a nice
Christmas gift for those of dating age.
You can read these 122 pages in one night, skipping around the different topics. Tip No. 8 caught my eye: “Pray for your future spouse.” This is exactly
what my future wife’s grade school teacher in the Philippines (a nun) told her class of girls one day. My wife followed the advice and sensed that
she was not called to marry a man from her country, and thus was not at all afraid when the opportunity came for her to get a master’s degree in
the United States. You never know where God will lead if you give him your heart in prayer.
Under the chapter “Best Practices,” there are these little gems: “Be friends first” and “Ladies: Let him be a man. Gentlemen: Be a man!” Under “Potential
Pitfalls,” you will find warnings not to “think you can change him or her into the perfect image of your future spouse,” or “waste your time on
someone who won’t commit to you.”
Here are more tips, randomly flipping the pages: “Keep your head. Guard your heart.” “Don’t expect a fairy-tale romance.” “Don’t expect love at first
sight.”
There is a helpful section on the common practice of cohabiting that includes research and common sense on why couples should avoid it, and a practical
guide on wedding planning if the relationship gets to that point.
This is an excellent, extremely readable book that a dating couple could easily read together, having a few laughs as well as some serious discussions.
Fathers could also use this little volume to start a conversation with their son or daughter on some topics they probably should discuss before
the kids leave home.
Find out more at Ave Maria Press.
You can also read a Fathers for Good interview with
Jennifer Roback Morse on her previous book on a happier marriage.
