Every stage of the Sexual Revolution has produced victims. No-fault divorce produced children scarred in ways no one predicted in 1968. “Kids are
resilient: they will be fine as long as their parents are happy.” No-fault divorce also produced The Reluctantly Divorced: those millions of
unseen and unacknowledged souls who wanted to stay married, but their spouses wanted divorce. The government takes sides with the partner who
wants the marriage the least. It may not sound plausible, at least not at first. But genderless marriage, that newest edge in the cutting edge of social
change, will also produce another whole new batch of victims. These victims will not be entirely innocent, the way so many victims of divorce
were. They are adults, taking steps of their own free will. But they will be victims just the same: they are being lied to by the culture. Exhibit
A: Sperm Donor Diary. This New York
Times series is an exploration into the personal meaning of being a known sperm donor to a lesbian couple. David Dodge is uncertain what it means to be a bio-dad.
David writes about being on the Cutting Edge of Gay Family Law.
Traditionally, (if I may be so bold as to use such a retro term) “presumption of paternity” answered the question “who’s your daddy?” by saying “the
mother’s husband.” The
mother’s husband is presumed to be the father of any children she gives birth to during the life of their union. But genderless marriage requires genderless
parenthood, and a gender neutral reading of family law. The “presumption of paternity” which actually makes sense, must morph into a gender neutral
“presumption of parentage” which makes no sense at all. Throughout the series, and in the comments, it is presumed that biological reality is less
important than the “intentions” and “desires” of the adults. “Who’s your mommy: we don’t know yet,” reports that both women did egg retrieval. The doctor fertilized eggs from both women and implanted the best ones, hoping one would implant successfully
and survive. But they do not know, as of now, which women is the genetic mother of the child. They only know that Kelly is the gestational carrier.
But none of this is exactly David’s problem. David’s problem is that he is yearning to act as a father to his child, an entirely understandable, laudable,
and dare we say it, natural feeling. The adults are all agonizing over whether they need to do a “second-party adoption” to attach parental rights
to Tori, the non-gestational carrier. No one seems to agonize over David’s parental rights. He is about to find out that he does not matter legally:
he is a legal stranger to the child. Tori and Kelly may be nice to him and allow him to be involved in his daughter’s life. But the position of the
law will be to defend Tori and Kelly against any involvement that doesn’t correspond precisely with the involvement that they want. The law’s job will
be to keep the biological father away from his child. This is the position that the entire Gay Legal Establishment has been fighting to achieve.
Treating same sex couples as “equal” to opposite sex couples for parenting purposes means that the biological parent outside the couple must be kept
away from parenting. Which is not exactly “equality” for him. Or for the child. Reading this series of articles, I get a sinking feeling in the pit
of my stomach. I wonder if David does too. The whole society is circling the wagons around them, trying to convince them that biology does not matter,
and will never matter. David, Kelly and Tori hope their friendship and love will be enough to sustain them. They hope the child will understand
and adapt.
I however, have my doubts. We already know that some children have serious issues with step-families. We already know that some Donor Conceived People have serious issues with being donor conceived. David and his friends are all getting along
today. But what will happen 5 years down the road? Will they end up like this 2011 case from the UK? I am sixty years old. I remember friends of mine back in the ’70s and ’80s tinkering with “Open Marriage,” thinking they were on the Cutting
Edge of Social Change. By the time they figured out they had been lied to, their lives were in shambles. We are lying to David and his friends now.
Biology does matter. I say that as someone with experience as an adoptive parent, a foster parent, a birth parent, and now a godparent. I am familiar
with the concept that people not biologically related to the child can act as parents and do a good job. I am also familiar with the concept that biology
continues to matter to children, no matter how nicely we talk about it, no matter what euphemisms we use, no matter how good our parenting skills may be or what nice people we are. Will there be room in this family for the child to have her own
feelings? Will there be room in this family for David, once they have their first big disagreements about how to raise the child? And in the event
of such disagreements and hurt feelings, is there any solution that is just to all parties? I do not believe that there is. We are victimizing
these young people by lying to them. Sorry to be blunt. But this is my honest opinion. Jennifer Roback Morse is the Foundress of the Ruth Institute. Join the Ruth Institute in speaking out for the Victims of the Sexual Revolution. H/T to Bethany Meola of the US Conference of Catholic Bishops for alerting me to this series.
