My parents divorced after 29 years of marriage. Their children, including myself, were all over the age of 18. My mother said that she waited until
we were all out of the house to leave, because we would not be affected so much. She was wrong. Many of our extended family members said, “If that
is what makes her happy, she deserves to go.”
The problems were multi-layered. Since this is not a forum for how to save marriage, but rather for discussing the aftermath of divorce, I won’t hash
out the variables that lead to divorce. Suffice it to say that there was grave sin on my father’s part, and when my parents sought help from the
Catholic Church, they were turned away due to lack of resources. “I am not a marriage counselor,” the pastor told them. The church lacked the resources
to help. My parents had no tools in their toolboxes. We lived in a small town. Eventually, in the void of a path to healing, my parents separated
and then divorced.
The problems had just started, though. Neither of them found happiness. Rather, they persisted in their own pain and coping techniques, both became
alcoholics. My mother remarried. Her new husband was an alcoholic as well. See, nobody was really happy. My si longs and I never really had a home
base, and neither did our children. Divorce shatters a legacy and it remains shattered. Kids try to start the legacy over, but it is impossible.
I have now been married almost 29 years. I understand the temptation to leave. My children never had the love of grandparents from my parents. Rather,
they watched adults try to avoid each other at all family events. They watched awkward interactions between 2nd marriages and ex’s. It is ugly.
My parents desperately needed healing; not further wounding. I wish the Catholic Church had had a hand to stabilize them when they asked. However,
as a practicing Catholic today, I don’t think the church has figured it out yet.
