I just want to say what my reaction was when I understood that night, when I was seven, what was the meaning of the word “divorce.”
- Despite an empathy that made it very possible to forgive them in my early 30’s;
- Despite an understanding of how much a young, responsible couple was up against in the 60s;
- Despite understanding the impossible balance between being a parent, focusing on one’s children, getting a job and being a single person having to
see a new path after desertion of sacred vows;
- Despite recognizing that our milquetoast clergy were themselves baptized into the ‘orgasm as sacrament’ culture through every venue of communication;
- Despite not having escaped some wrangling with it myself;
- Despite having recognized how God can take every misdirection and infuse it with grace…
I will never forget the sensation that night.
My entire sense of family as unity and sanctuary was swept away completely, as if the house itself had been taken away and we were all exposed to the
elements and directed to fend for ourselves.
It brought on a sense of being unlovable, of possibly being at fault, of being horribly imperfect, of needing to be completely self-reliant, of needing
to be perfect, of needing to never share any insecurity, problems, fears or anything else that might annoy other people.
Despite having been, in time, truly healed through grace, the wound ran deep. I was lucky in that I had two very good people as parents and had all
4 grandparents. Despite this obvious advantage, the lack of confidence, the lack of direction, and the cross of scrupulosity were crippling.
The grace of it is recognizing the same wounds in others; and knowing that just having the glimmer of an idea that we were individually created, by
love and with a unique purpose, is an irresistible lure back to the trail that leaves one fascinated and starving for God and His love.
Between Mary Kay and Pro Life, God has put a fire in the belly, a courage and a generous, but always needing more of, patience. It is very easy to
love when all these broken are seen as cherished children Jesus aches to bring to Heaven.
By J. A. Submitted August 25, 2015
