My mom needed to divorce my dad. He had been physically abusive for years. Eventually he committed adultery. While my mother felt totally betrayed,
there was a part of her that was glad she finally felt no one could expect her to stay married to him. That was when I was 13.
Now I’m an adult, married with children of my own. My husband is a good man, but the idea of divorce is never far from my thoughts. I’m afraid he will
leave me later for a younger woman, solution: divorce. There are times I feel so depressed about myself, and I don’t want to have to drag him down,
solution: divorce. There are times I’m so upset with him for not being perfect, solution: divorce. There are times I’m just tired of dealing with
all the needs of taking care of a whole other person, along with my children, solution: divorce. My mom has managed to live pretty happily as a
single mom.
I know divorce is nowhere near justifiable for me, but I fear that I just don’t have the skills or personality to have a thriving marriage. I look
at other aging couples, and see a lot of frustrations and incompatibilities. Can I endure that long? Am I that good of a person?
My only hope is through Christ, that He can change me, heal me. I’m impatient for the day that divorce won’t linger in my thoughts so much. I wonder
if this really is because I’m a child of divorce, or if I’m just weak.
I love my husband and my children, and the emotional violence of divorce is repugnant to me. And maybe that is the silver lining, that because I hate
what divorce did to me, I don’t want to do that to my children.
