A woman recently told me that I should stop talking about issues such as Cardinal Victor Manuel Fernández’s scandalous book, Mystical Passion. Her reasoning was that this book is a thing of the past. “Past sins are forgotten. We need to move on,” she said.
This isn’t the first time someone has said something like this to me. I actually hear it quite frequently. I find it concerning because this kind of rhetoric is partly responsible for the ongoing clerical abuse crisis.
A Merciful God
Our God is merciful and will certainly forgive people who show remorse for their sins. However, we can’t always forget about past sins (our own sins and the sins of others). Like it or not, we are responsible for the paths we take. There is a difference between forgiveness of sin and having to deal with the consequences of sin. For example, if someone shows remorse for robbing a bank, he still has to pay the price for his crime.
The “forgive and forget” mindset can be extremely harmful not to mention dangerous. We cannot safely forget past wrongs even if a predator has shown remorse. His remorse might be false, temporary, or he might fall back into his evil ways. Forgetting about certain wrongdoings causes us to put our guard down. We could get hurt again or other people could get hurt. People can be forgiven but trust needs to be earned.
God is certainly a loving and merciful Father. However, He is also just. His love and mercy should not be used by anyone as a tactic to gloss over clerical abuse. There is something seriously wrong when people suggest that victims should forgive their abusers and simply move. Accountability, justice, or transparency are also necessary not only for the sake of victims but for the abusers themselves.
A Missed Opportunity
I want to reiterate what I have said before: I am not suggesting that Cardinal Fernández has physically molested anyone. At the very least, some of his work (Mystical Passion in particular) is spiritually abusive. Yet, Fernández has not shown the slightest bit of remorse for the highly questionable work he has done.
Fernández is actually giving up a really great opportunity! As head of the DDF and a prominent figure within the Catholic Church, he is giving up the opportunity to grow in his relationship with God and to set a good example for others. He is giving up the opportunity to show some humility in a church that wreaks of pride.
Much like the story of the Prodigal Son, if Fernández accepted that he has done wrong and humbly faced the consequences of his actions, he could be drawn into a deeper relationship with God. He could grow in virtue, and he could encourage others to do the same. Instead, Fernández has chosen to do what so many priests and others within the hierarchy have chosen to do: thrust blame on everyone else. In Fernández’s case, he has blamed the people who could “misinterpret” his work (he’s gas lighting).
My own rapist (a Catholic priest) refused to take responsibility for his actions. I vividly recall him stating in court, “As God is my witness, I am not the monster they are trying to show I am.” Other prominent abusers (McCarrick, Paquin, Geoghan, and Rupnik just to name a few) showed no remorse either. Should we simply forget about the heinous crimes these men have committed because they happened in the past? Any intelligent human being knows that this would be a ridiculous and dangerous thing to do.
If Fernández truly cares about ending the culture of abuse and helping survivors, he will show remorse. His example could encourage his brothers to do the same especially those who are guilty of sexual abuse. Any individual in a leadership position (such as Cardinal Fernández) especially needs to admit to their wrongdoing, show remorse, and accept the consequences of their actions.
Put Survivors First
Far too often, the idea of “forget past sins” (essentially, “forgive and forget”) is fueled by warped Christianity. This is the kind of language used by predators and those who cover for them. We also see it from Catholics who remain in denial about the very real sexual abuse crisis.
There’s room to talk about forgiveness. Forgiveness is an important part of healing but forgetting past sins is not always wise. We can all work towards forgiving those who have wronged us while keeping our guard up lest history repeat itself.
Let’s stop making forgiveness the immediate goal for survivors. Instead, let’s focus on holding all predators accountable. Let’s focus on making them face the consequences of their actions and on ending the culture of silence and pride.
