What we tell ourselves can hold a lot of power. Each of us carries around a set of untruths/lies. This is especially true when we have lived through a trauma such as sexual abuse. These untruths are things that we have come to believe about ourselves. However, they are not necessarily true. These untruths have the ability to do some serious damage. Practicing positive self-talk to combat the negative self-talk is an important part of the healing process.
“Sexual abuse creates harmful thought patterns, lies that we come to believe about ourselves. The good news is that the brain can be changed, and you can help your brain reorient itself to more positive, healthier behaviors and thoughts. While extensive training is more appropriately orchestrated by a professional, there are little exercises you can do on your own to help retrain your brain.” (Taken from my book Glimmers of Grace: Moments of Peace and Healing Following Sexual Abuse)
Practice replacing your untruths (the negative self-talk) with truths (positive self-talk).
Here’s an exercise I share with readers in Glimmers of Grace. I have found it to be extremely helpful, and I hope you will too. First, write down your list of lies. These are different for all of us. Then, for every lie you tell yourself, write a truth.
Here are some examples:
Lie: Whatever I do isn’t enough. I will never heal
Truth: I am strong, and I am taking the steps I need in order to heal.
Lie: No one can help me.
Truth: I am learning to heal.
Lie: I am unworthy of love.
Truth: I am worthy of love.
Lie: I will never be safe again.
Truth: I am safe, and I am learning to trust again.
Practice every day. Whenever an untruth pops into your head, replace it with the opposite – a truth.
Ask yourself, “How would I talk to the person I love most?” or “How would I speak to a person who I deeply respect?” That is how you want to practice talking to yourself.
Helpful Hint
Personally, when I am struggling to overcome negative self-talk and feeling flooded with untruths, I’ll practice positive self-talk by writing my truths on a sticky note. I place the sticky note in a place where I will see it frequently (such as on a bathroom mirror) or in a journal.
As always, ask God for help as you start any new practice. Don’t be discouraged if it doesn’t catch on right away! I know that healing can feel like climbing an impossibly high mountain at times, but you can and will overcome the obstacles. Remember, healing is not a race. Over time, you will experience a world of a difference in how you think, how you talk, and in how you feel. It’s very healing and freeing! Just like a child learning to walk, this takes time and practice so don’t give up.
Do you have a question about victimization and/or healing? Email me at AskASurvivor@ruthinstitute.org. Your name and personal information will never be used in my public responses.
Replacing the lies we tell ourselves with truths is very helpful; thank you, especially for the exercise.
I am rarely aware of lies I am telling myself; but I understand and try to correct my temptation to think badly of others.
Somewhere on the road to life I learnt that it is good to give others the benefit of the doubt – though with prudence – but I struggle to give myself the benefit of doubt.
I am learning.
Thank you for this website and all the contributors. It is uplifting when we hear the truth.