When people ask me what the first step towards healing is, my answer is acceptance. Acceptance is necessary for anyone trying to come to terms with any kind of traumatic event. It is not only the first step towards healing but is also oftentimes the hardest.
Before any healing can take place, you need to be able to accept that what happened, happened. You don’t have to like it – of course no one wants to suffer – but acknowledging and accepting any kind of trauma is necessary before we can move forward despite the difficulties that we have suffered. We may want to ignore the difficulties we face, but this is not healthy.
Our minds naturally try to defend themselves with denial in order to function on a daily basis. Living in denial allows us to go about our day in a fairly normal manner – on the outside anyway. Ignoring a trauma such as past sexual abuse may seem easier than accepting it. However, the truth is that ignoring or denying trauma merely masks it. When suppressed, the effects of trauma will come up in some other way. It might manifest itself through physical ailments or more severe mental distress.
Keep in mind that accepting a bad event does not mean that you are saying that it’s okay. Acceptance of trauma is simply a slow breaking away from the bad stuff. This allows us to slowly break out of the cycle of denial, shame, and blame. Accepting also does not mean forgetting. Rather, by accepting that something bad happened, you are allowing God to take control of your pain and give you the graces you need to move forward. Acceptance opens the door to healing, peace, and freedom.
The journey to being able to acknowledge and accept a trauma (such as sexual abuse) might take time. It’s also going to look different for everyone. Wherever you are at this moment on your journey, I want to motivate you to reach for acceptance so that you may begin your healing journey. As renowned author and stress-management counselor Loretta LaRoche, reminds us, “There’s so much grace in acceptance. It’s not an easy concept, but if you embrace it, you’ll find more peace than you ever imagined.”
