After watching the Dr. J Show interview with Amanda Smith, I had to reach out. That conversation deeply resonated with me because, like Amanda, I lived many years as a gay woman.
I was easily influenced by culture and my time in university, where I was told it was okay because life is one big party. We can live how we want.
I was easily swayed by a lesbian crowd because I felt equal and accepted. They convinced me to lose my boyfriend and told me I had the “gay gene,” which was a huge lie.
I went to festivals and queer events and partied. At PRIDE when I was 19, I was invited to the apartment of an extremely gay woman. There she buckled on her strap-on (a prosthetic penis) and proceeded to have sex with me in a way only a man and woman ever should!
To have allowed another woman to enter my body that way I now see is sinful and lustful behaviour. The things she did with that beastly appendage were not acts of love and creation. It was gay sex, and she was attempting to rewire my brain for a future of this.
The whole time I believed what I was experiencing was pleasure and female empowerment. I was brainwashed by the Gay Myth.
When I left her place, a part of me was confused at what I had just experienced. She was also very confused, obviously, to enjoy doing that with another woman.
Sadly, it would not be my last time engaging in an act like this. When I was with one woman during my time living a lesbian lifestyle, she said in my ear during sex, “This is the future. We don’t need men.” She referred to herself as a ‘Devil Dyke.’
She was a very broken person and wanted to turn other women gay.
Looking back at all these times I thought, “This is what I want! They will all see I’m cool and really gay!” But it is just like Amanda Smith said: a “false joy.”
Alone and not partying when the pandemic hit was a wakeup call. I could finally see that I was headed for disaster with the life I was living and the choices I was making. I began revisiting my faith, which set me on a new path. The right path. Amanda’s story filled me with so much emotion because I could relate.
We are in Pride Month now. I worry for so many women going to those events, being confused into thinking that is how they are made and being converted to a gay lifestyle. I fear they will experience the things I now regret.
I hope my story will help others know there is a light out of such a dark experience.
~Lana from Canada